Our emotional memory is the deep emotions, the basement feelings, our primary impressions of early childhood and youth. These emotional memories become our foundation, a predisposition to stimulus, the way we react to stress, joy and pain.
Depending on our emotional memory of early childhood and youth we feel and resolve difficulties, stress and pain to varying degrees and effectiveness. Emotional memory is the invisible, underlying, residue of feelings that comes from our predominant general perception of experiences, what gives us our resiliency and comes from how we emotionally feel about what goes on around us in early childhood and youth. If in early childhood and youth we perceive our experiences as emotionally supportive; we are shown, taught and observe patience, self-esteem, optimism, emotional control and self-regulation, we absorb a calmness, a peace that over time becomes our steady and reactive state.
I use the words emotional memory and a residue of underlying supportive skills as a descriptive way of understanding resiliency. Resiliency is the ability to have successful outcomes when facing challenging or threatening circumstances and comes from a positive emotional memory or a residue of underlying supportive skills. Emotional memories in early childhood and youth come to us in various ways. As children we are looking for any and all stimulus. A child is a vessel looking to fill itself and will take anything that comes along with an unquestioning resolve that whatever gets put before them is supposed to be there and the way we as parents do things is the right way. They inherently trust us no matter what is portrayed. These memories are actually lessons. Children watch and listen, then mimic or model the stimulus they experience. If the stimulus is proper and supportive the child will learn to have positive emotional memories, if not they will have less positive or negative emotional memories.
When a child is paid attention to they learn values, self-esteem and relationship skills.
When we talk to a child they hear words, learn language, math skills, empathy, attitude and emotion.
When a child is appreciated for their efforts and told to try again they learn perseverance. Understanding about effort and failure begins at home.
When a child is shown patience they learn patience.
When we show gratitude for help or responsible acts children learn to appreciate.
When a child is angry and we acknowledge their anger we teach respect.
When a child is sad and we talk to them and say it will be ok we teach trust and offer security.
When children see and hear parents use self-regulation to react to difficult situations with contro